and the roller coaster continues....

My Earthly Daddy
Life often takes us by surprise and then sometimes life takes you thru many a journey. As much as I have cried for my father and the circumstances my family has gone thru I am still waiting to see reasoning. I know that I may never know why we have had to go thru this with my Daddy. I do understand this but my earthliness still leans on "Lord, I just don't understand from time to time." Every chapter that has been slowly closing since 2005 has at times been excruciating. We have all been saying the long goodbye over and over and over and over. We have been anticipating my father's homecoming to his Heavenly Father and we have been grieving our loss over each ability that is gone.

My mother has been a stronghold. Though I know her pain is very real and her loss is great with each chapter closing she has been the example of a Godly woman and Godly wife. She has done as her Lord has asked her. She is continuing to serve without complaining over very difficult circumstances. She is keeping her head up. She is pushing thru what has felt as though her heart was being torn in two. She is unconditionally loving my Daddy and continues to be the wife and helpmate she promised him she would be....."in sickness and in health."

Life is just hard sometimes. When you say this and know it in your heart....We just have to keep bringing everything back to the cross. We have to keep coming back to the ONLY one who can supply all our needs. We have to turn to The One whose grace is sufficient. We have to know that there is HOPE and LIFE after death. We have to know that when we leave this earth where we will go. I have to know these things. I have to go to the SOLID ROCK when so many big things are happening around me. I have to look at Jesus. I have to praise Him and Thank Him for all that He is and all that He will always be. I have to stand on the SOLID ROCK and Know that my foundation....is SOLID. I sit in awe that I am His even when my earthly Daddy is slipping away day by day. I have to know that even when my loved ones eventually move on that I will be ok.

Our Son
We were notified on Friday that our passports and visas that were at the DR Congo Embassy in Washington, D.C. had been given to another courier. So temporarily our most important documents were with unknown people. Good gravy is all I could think to say...and then laughter flowed from my heart...So thankfully the peace of God flooded this Mamma Bear's heart when I would have otherwise gone into panic mode. I mean who else in this crazy situation would have laughed. Only those parents coping thru a wild adoption process....that's who!

So today, Sunday, our adoption agency director, Sue, called us to give us the travel pep talk. She prepared us for every aspect of our journey. She prepared us for what our days will look like. I continued to ask and ask and then think of all the questions I could possibly think of...We talked for a while and then I repeated everything back to Andy after the call.

Andy and I started our last minute list. I was also given additional items from Sue that would be good if I could bring for infants and babies in Eli's orphanage. I need to get our malaria meds tomorrow. Then check and double check my ongoing list and then pack. Sue made it seem like it would be like this week when we are given the go ahead to leave the US and travel to DRC. We shall see about that one but we will be ready still the same.

Cleansing the Heart
Small things make my heart feel refreshed and motivated. Reorganizing, putting clothes away, cleaning out cabinets, cleaning out closets...you know that stuff makes you feel good when you are done. I have been staring at my closet today and I will be cleaning out more things that I have been holding on to. I can be very sentimental. I have held onto things that I wore during our wedding parties, I have held onto shirts that have a funny story.....the list goes on....These things are special to me. They have meant something to me. I have my outfit from my first day of 5th grade that I am taking to Africa. I am not taking these "old things" just to be rid of them...I am taking them because I want to take my best to these beautiful people of DR Congo. I want to take the things that have meant the most to me over the years and give those things to Eli's Homeland. I want a part of me to be left with his people. I need that connection. I need that very very very small connection. Though these things I am leaving will just be "things." I believe that I should approach Eli's Homeland and give them my best even if they don't give it in return.

I want Eli to know that he is loved thru and thru. I want him to know that his Mommy and Daddy gave their all and fought for him. I want him to know how honored we are to be bringing him to our home and family. I want him to know that we do not take lightly that we will be taking him from his homeland. I am not naive to what we are doing. When you love, you give your all. There are no exceptions. You just love. So even though I will never understand how there are 147 million orphans in this world. I will fight to my last breath to make as many children know that they are equally as deserving of a family.

Pray for us this week as we make preparations to leave to be joined with our son so many thousands of miles away. God's gracious gift of this adoption journey has changed my heart thru and thru and I am so humbly honored that I am Eli's Mommy.