I think I was semi asleep this evening for 30 minutes. Then I woke up just as I started to have a dream about Eli. Yes, this is dream number two about our baby boy. Maybe this is a hint from God that Andy and I will be running to hold him soon. Who knows? I remember when I was pregnant with Gray I started dreaming about her but never really saw her face. This has kinda been the same thing but we are in Africa, barefoot and running to our son.
May I remind all you amazing women out there that even though G and E will have two very different delivery methods.... Let me say clearly, "I have experienced things with waiting for Eli as I did with Gray... Just slightly different." I mean it has almost been mind blowing. I mean my belly has not grown very much (at least I don't think it has)and yet my body aches to be with our baby. I have been transformed... I mean to the core transformed way more than I ever thought possible by the profoundly beautiful picture of the Gospel. I will praise Jesus all my days because of this walk with Him. Even physically hurting at times because the love of Jesus was pouring out of my heart for this precious child.
Moving forward with life has seemed hard. A piece of our family is missing and yet we wait patiently at the feet of Jesus. Have I been super patient all along? Well no. The Lord has humbled Andy and I and taught us a great deal about His plan... Not ours. When we said, "Yes," in Septemebr 2011 we had no idea what sort of journey we would go on.
The outpouring of support has been just as mind blowing. I remember asking several adoptive mammas how in the world we would be able to raise enough funds for our rather expensive journey to bring Eli home. I sit and chuckle now because every penny has been provided. The Body of Christ is just plain beautiful. "The church" has been Faithful.
I have grieved here and there over not having the infant years with Eli. I am usually quickly reminded by our Father... That He was with Eli when I was not. So therefore, I walk in confidence. I walk confidently that my Heavenly Father has been holding Eli steady. HE has been holding me steady even when I felt wavering at times. Tired, stressed and on my face that I could try as hard as I could but whether I kicked and screamed.... The Lord would control this adoption process and not me.
Lastly, I have felt unworthy to have a family that has been the recepient of so many peoples gifts. I have felt undeserving to go on this journey and walk beside my Lord yet the Lord has patiently waited on us to see if we would let Him do His work. One way or the other the Lord was not going to take us on this journey without some good old fashioned teachin'! I am forever grateful to all that so unselfishly stepped out on faith to help us bring Eli home. No matter what it has been..My words will never be enough... To say thank you over and over. I hope all of you will see my heart and know that I am humbly grateful.
What is the update you might ask? Well don't worry...I will be a hollerin' when we get the word to travel. 'Til then... Pray for our son, Eli, and pray for this process and that every single person touching Eli's paperwork will be moved by the Holy Spirit.
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